Threesomes
by Poddyful
Summary: A collection of drabbles about threesomes. Akatsuki love, konoha pets love! LeaderItachiKisame, AkamaruPakkunTonton
1. Fruitcake

Triple Futon Adventure

Pairings: Leader x Itachi, Leader/Itachi/Kisame

Warnings: Attempted crack, slight yaoi

Genre: Humour/Romance

Word count: 500

Author's notes: Please excuse the lame (ahem, maybe, uh, totally _dumb_?) title. If you can come up with anything better, please feel free to let me know...

...ona a side note, I might have portrayed Kisame's character a bit weirdly in this one...

* * *

It wasn't a well known fact, but the leader of Akatsuki was a...queer. What was a rumour within the circle of Akatsuki was that Itachi was as well.

Of course, no one what as stupid to as to voice it out loud, but unfortunately the advantages of a Sharingan were quite a few, and reading expressions and body language was one of them. The few who had bad luck are now sadly deceased.

Kisame Hoshigaki was not one of them. A conversation between the two was the only thing that showed that the shark-man actually had brains, and quite some courage, as well.

"So…you're the Uchiha" he commented casually.

Itachi flipped his Akatsuki cloak idly, choosing to remain silent. Undeterred, Kisame went on talking.

"The genius of your clan?"

"…"

"Got your Sharingan by eight?"

"Hn"

"Got chuunin at ten?"

"Hn"

"Anbu captain at thirteen?"

"…hn…"

"Killed ya whole clan?"

"..."

"And you and Leader are lovers, no?"

Itachi's face bore no expression, but his body froze under the large confines of his Akatsuki cloak.

"What…?"

"When we came in, leader gave us all rings, yeah?"

Itachi's eyebrows creased in.

"What about it…?"

"Yours is the only one on the ring finger" Kisame said bluntly. Itachi's face contorted.

"And…?"

"And it's red…the colour of undying love or somethink like that, and we all know that the leader's gay, and you must be a fruitcake as well. Lookatcha, long, pretty hair, all tied up into a ponytail, nail paint, girly figure…oh ,pretty eyes…and I can see that you're wearin' fish net under all that cloak jazz." The Hoshigaki listed off casually.

The Uchiha gathered his thoughts up into a witty come back, but Kisame interrupted.

"Bah, don' worry, I'm only interested in threesomes if it's with my summons"

Itachi's practised emotionless mask creased slightly.

"Your…summons?" he asked.

Kisame gave him a curious look.

"Yeah, sure: **kuchiyose no jutsu**!"

Itachi decided that he definitely needed work on his mask as he watched his soon-to-be-partner dryly apologise to the two sharks for summoning them on land when he knew fully well that they just couldn't survive without water.

Itachi turned around and walked away. As soon as he turned a corner, a familiar presence cornered him. Itachi was pressed unresisting to the wall as the leader of Akatsuki slid a well practised hand inside the young Uchiha's cloak.

"He's a sharp one, isn't he?" the leader whispered, his faint breath tickling Itachi's ear, drawing his hands lovingly across the weasel's chest. "I think I quite like him".

Later, the Hoshigaki found that he had to retract his thought earlier on about threesomes.

From that day on, Itachi didn't hesitate to kill anyone who's expression or body language showed what they thought about the loud howls of pleasure that could be clearly heard through the Akatsuki headquarters which unmistakably belonged to Kisame.

He showed his amusement, though, when a ring slipped on Kisame's left ring finger during one of their little…

…triple-futon adventures.

* * *

…lol, thank you for reading! 


	2. Of pets and summons

Threesomes: of pets and summons

Pairings: Akamaru

Genre: humour/romance...?

Warning: implied lemon

Haha...I don't know how this came up...

* * *

Kakashi was puzzled. Yesterday he summoned Pakkun to do some shopping for him with one of his mission payments. Pakkun didn't come back, though the basket of food was now sitting innocently in front of his door. He frowned.

Shizune was confused. Before she had checked up on Tsunade-sama, she had placed Tonton right there on that chair. Now Tonton had disappeared. The little pink pig was usually obedient to the point where if she had told her to jump off a cliff, she would.

Kiba was baffled. He couldn't find Akamaru before, but thanks to his superb tracking skills and scent, he now found him…

…lying panting on the ground with a small, scruffy dog and a pig. The air smelt like the sweet scent of shampoo that Sakura uses, sweat, and…and…his face flushed slightly.

"…uh...dinner in fifteen minutes, 'kay, Akamaru? See you then" he said slowly before jumping onto the roof and disappearing. Akamaru blushed and snuggled closer to the pair on the ground.

After all, says who that animals can't have threesomes as well?

* * *

…haha…this story should be shot…haha…//sweatdrop// 


End file.
